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Holding yourself through communication with your ex partner

One of the most significant parts of the coaching I provide is to teach and guide you towards a greater understanding and awareness of how to hold yourself during communication with an ex partner.

Ending your commitment as romantic partners, particularly if you have children, does not end your relationship with your ex partner and you will continue to need to communicate on decision making, matters relating to your children, division of assets, finances & property.

Communication is challenging for many couples and one of the main reasons for relationship breakdown, and so if you are separating, the chances are that communication became a significant issue in your relationship.

Now that you are separating, the communication between you and your ex partner, has the potential to become even more charged, emotive or abusive and learning to understand how this affects you and develop strategies to manage that, can be the difference between an amicable or a high conflict separation/divorce, ultimately saving you a great deal of time and money as well as supporting your emotional and mental wellbeing.

‘Hiring a Separation/Divorce coach is the best first step on your Separation Journey’

Recently I was reminded of the importance of this, during communication with my ex partner.

My ex and I have been separated 5 years, and day to day our communication is minimal. However when we are faced with communicating on significant or new events relating to the children, a familiar pattern can emerge.

What I noticed this time, was my capacity to recognise when I was becoming triggered, I was able to take time to sit with myself, to explore my body, acknowledge what I was feeling and checking in with any old stories that were coming up for me.

I offered myself compassion, drew on strategies that work for me, reached out to people who know me well and hold me to my highest and ask myself questions to ensure my response was in integrity.

Was it challenging, did I feel anger, frustration, sadness, did I question and doubt myself-absolutely, but not for long. Where once I would have dwelled for days, I was able to move through quickly and with ease.

I know how to support you as I have and do go through it myself

As a qualified and accredited Counsellor/Psychotherapist, having invested time and money in my own Personal Development and been through my own Separation, I have the first hand experience and clinical knowledge to support you on your journey. This is why hiring me as your Separation/Divorce coach is the best first step you can take.

I will work with you to help you to get to know yourself and understand your physiological responses and emotional triggers, learn what happens to your nervous system and how this is experienced in your body when you are aroused, I will teach you emotional regulation strategies to help you to come to a calm and rational space as well as supporting you with practical communication techniques so you know what to respond and how.

Learn how to respond and not react

Investing time to learn and understand these processes and patterns, will give you the awareness and tools you need to create space and hold yourself, no matter the communication that you receive from your ex partner. Importantly you will learn how to RESPOND and not REACT, ensuring you are always acting in alignment with your values, maintaining firm boundaries and working towards the best outcome for you and your children.

If you would like to learn more, please use the link below to book in for your free initial consult.

Kelly Luisa Bagshaw, is a Divorce Coach and accredited counsellor and psychotherapist. Kelly helps people navigate the often-challenging journey of separation and come out on the other side feeling empowered and ready to start a new chapter in their lives. She offers a unique perspective combining years of theoretical knowledge and clinical expertise with her personal experience of separation.

If you would like to find out more on how to work with me, use the link below to book in for a free initial consult.

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